Zero Hour
by gorekind
Summary: "The little black numbers etched on Zoro's left wrist are typically only the subject of his focus before he falls asleep. They wind down silently to zero, as they have all his life, but he finds that he doesn't care much about what's waiting for him at zero hour." Zosan/Genfic; queer/trans headcanons abound!
1. Brace For Impact

there's a _lot_ of queer/trans headcanons and worldbuilding in this fic, just as a warning. if that's cool with you, i hope you enjoy the blood, sweat, and tears i've put into this thing!

* * *

The little black numbers etched on Zoro's left wrist are typically only the subject of his focus before he falls asleep. They wind down silently to zero, as they have all his life, but he finds that he doesn't care much about what's waiting for him at zero hour. Some people are happy when they meet their soul mates; others not quite as joyed.

Soul mates and love isn't a source of daydreams for Zoro, and its always been that way. But still, there's something both calming and exciting about watching the numbers tick, tick, tick their way down.

Robin and Nami have long since reached their own zero, clicking together like two magnets. Its actually endearing to see them together, how well they actually work with one another. It must be nice to have a partner that immediately seems to know you so thoroughly that you can waltz and breathe and be around one another without practice.

Luffy's own ticker kept resetting with the meeting of their crew; Zoro was first and he was _surprised_ when he heard the little tell-tale yelp of shock from the other. But their tickers reset just a short while later. Nami came next; Usopp and Sanji, Chopper and Robin and Franky and Brook all followed.

Its common enough — people being platonic soul mates, or people having more than one. Luffy just happened to have many of the platonic sort.

00:26:37.

Getting real close. Zoro finds it sort of strange, how the ticker winds down in conjunction with his meeting up with his crew on Sabaody again. He's more excited for the reuniting of the Straw Hats, that's for sure. Thinking of them makes a pang rise in his gut, missing them, wondering how they've grown and changed.

He can remember the shape of Nami's laugh, Chopper's bashfulness at compliments, the way that Brook's music curled around them all heady and sweet, and brought them all together to sing. Luffy's resolve has been etched into him. He misses fighting with them, against them, for them.

Zoro's anticipation makes him toss and turn, checking his wrist again. He's begun to see it more as a countdown to see his crew again, and it dawns on him that its a real possibility. That he might have needed to test his mettle, weighing it against time and promise, before seeing them again as soulmates.

00:26:29.

Some part of him hopes he doesn't catch the eye of a Tenryuubito when his ticker hits bottom.

Zoro drops his arm from where it hovers in the air and he rolls over in the hammock. Exhaustion makes itself known in the dark, boat swaying and splashing around him; he dreams what he dreams just about every night.

* * *

Perona — for all her flaws — isn't a terrible navigator. She's no Nami, but through the lens of the eyeglass, Zoro can see Sabaody. He had his doubts, and Gods is he glad they were unfounded. He nods to her, thanks and acknowledgment, standing towards the front of the boat on a blessedly clear day.

They're silent, and its odd. The past two years have been odd, difficult, but especially the last week on Kuraigana. He'd gotten used to Mihawk, to Perona, as strange as the arrangement was. Though he learned to move and breathe around them, they weren't his crew.

His parting with Mihawk amounted to, "come take my head when you're ready, Roronoa". There was no tearful departure, no embrace — not that either were expected. And it left an odd, bitter taste in his mouth, a heavy feeling in his heart, but it was all right.

It felt settled, but not final.

Perona's hands curl around the lip of the bow, parasol folded and strapped to her back. She sucks in a deep breath, a sharp inhale that Zoro usually takes as a cue to cover his ears. But she exhales — waits one beat, two, three — and turns her head to him.

"I'm only going to say this once, Roronoa Zoro." she says; her tone is rigid and slightly clipped, but it gives way to something softer, more vulnerable, "You give them hell out in the New World, okay?"

Zoro is quite nearly taken aback by this — this admission of her faith and this lowering of her guard. He lowers his head just slightly, catches her eye. The quiet call deserves respect, he feels, especially with their propensity to bickering.

"Yeah. We will."

Quiescence falls around and through them again, carrying them the rest of the way to Sabaody.

* * *

Punctuality isn't something Zoro can claim often, but he's more than that upon showing up to Sabaody. This is a fact that registers as something to be proud of — he who fucks up, gets lost, is late, is now number one. Shakky and Rayleigh have told him as much.

It just so happens, however, that being number one means he's also remarkably lonely and _bored_. There's no one to fight with, no songs to sing or games to play or chores to do. That'll come in time, of course, but the others sure are taking their sweet time — or maybe its that he's too impatient.

He wanders the groves aimlessly — which isn't the best idea, given his tendency to get lost — and hours wind down. His boredom brings him closer and closer to the coast, getting it in his head that fishing will burn down the remaining time just fine.

Perona went off to do her own thing, of course. Shopping to do, souvenirs to get for Mihawk.

He ends up having a conversation with a busy fisherman at the edge of the grove, telling him he'd like to join in to kill time.

Zoro gets on the boat to wait, and he thinks. He drifts. Gets to see his crew again, soon … What if Chopper turns out to be the most little badass fighter of them all … What if Brook's 'fro got even bigger … What if Sanji —

"Oi! Who the hell are you … ?!"

The shout rouses him from his sleep, hand finding its way immediately to Sandai Kitetsu. There's a group of scruffy-looking individuals surrounding him on the boat, appearing to be very much pissed off at his presence. Zoro takes his time getting up, making it apparent he can unsheath his swords at any moment. He'd only need one, frankly.

"I wanted to do some fishing." he says calmly.

"So you conked out on deck?!" the spokesperson barks. He's this big looking guy with a black shirt and a mess of hair, cutlass at his waist. Zoro takes the time to look around at their surroundings — they're underwater and sinking fast.

Must be a coated ship. Sure enough, if he looks up, he can see the film of the coating surrounding the ship like a bubble. Huh.

The sight of the ocean under its surface is absolutely breathtaking. The bubble roof makes Zoro feel like he's floating out in it, a little unsafe. Fish and sea kings swim around the roots of the groves, unseen by its inhabitants.

"The fisherman told me to wait." he says, once he's done admiring.

"Wrong boat, jackass!"

"Oh."

Irritation rears its ugly head, and it roars when the tools start to advance on him. They shout something about cutting his throat and throwing his body overboard for the sea kings to eat. Yeah, bullshit. He'll end this quick.

Zoro unsheathes Kitetsu, feeling the familiar weight of him, the viciousness, in his palm. His urging him to end it quick and bloody. _Use what you learned_.

And so he does.

He moves, shooting out into stance, finding his center. The crowd of pirates moves, too, yelling their battle cries and falling down upon him.

He takes out most of them with the back of his sword in mere moments, except for the tenacious ones, who get cut across the chest and arms. Its when they're fallen that he stands at the center, blood coating the metal of the blade. But he does not slide it home.

"Where were you going with this ship?" he asks one of them. He's flat on his back, bleeding from his wound, fright evident. Zoro points the blade at him.

"F … Fishman Island,"

"Consider this a mercy, then."

He still only needs one sword for the task. It occurs to him just how far he's grown; he wouldn't have been able to rend a ship in half with just one sword two years ago on the same Archipelago.

The wood and coating splits under his blade, clean through both; he holds his breath and the ship rises, tilting, bringing them up to the surface. Feeling pissed off at the prospect of being soaked all the way through, he looks to the shore. Its not exactly an easy task getting from the split ship to the grove, but he manages, shaking himself off as best as he can.

"There you are, you fucking idiot!" calls someone, about twelve yards off at his ten.

He'd recognize that voice anywhere — Zoro looks up from his feet to the source of the voice.

There's Sanji, fists balled up at his sides and looking as ridiculous as ever. The only thing that's seemed to change is how he parts his hair and something resembling a beard on his chin. Zoro rolls his eye, draws a little closer to his nakama.

"Don't bark at me, it could have happened to … anyone …"

His voice trails off; there's a tell-tale thrum across his wrist and the feeling of dread welling up in his chest. The sensation that follows can only be described as a sort of click, a swell, a chorus in his head. Its not exactly fond, but its loud, just words and impressions and emotions in a sickening, nausea-inducing whirlwind — Sanji! There you are. Soul mate. Happyreliefsafedreaddreaddread.

He catches himself looking between Sanji and his own wrist — the former looks not shocked and pissed anymore, but horrified, like Zoro had just single-handedly slaughtered the rest of their nakama in front of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The numbers at his wrist have turned red, reading 00:00:00.

And then they fade.

It feels like a new section has just opened up in his brain, pathways that were always there but have only just been deemed accessible. He, heaven help him, feels like he wants to embrace and care for Sanji as much as he wants to punch his lights out for insulting him.

It is not a comfortable divide. Zoro feels pissed off, he feels robbed.

"You … You too?" is all Sanji can manage; fuck, he's shaking. It just makes that awful, new "be okay/fuck off and die" duality louder in his head. Hell, even at the back of his brain he can read Sanji's emotions like he knows him thoroughly. Sanji is experiencing much more of a crisis than Zoro, panic and desperation mixing with the anger they share, which strikes him as odd.

It also strikes him as infuriating.

"_Yeah_, me fuckin' too!"

"Where the hell do you get off yelling at me like this is my fault? You moron!" he snaps, righting his posture; a steady stream of curses in his North Blue mother tongue escapes before he switches back to his accented Common, "Like I can do something about this? 'Cause, trust me, I would!"

There's a waver in Sanji's voice that tells Zoro's there's something really wrong here, on a different level than being zeroed in with one's long-time rival.

"All right, I hear you, shut the fuck up." he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He breathes, tries to clear his mind, but he can detect the storm just worsening in Sanji's mind. "Would you calm down?"

"No, I can't." the waver worsens, "I'm leaving. I don't care if you get lost again. I don't care if you get on the Sunny again."

Lie, his brain tells him. This is really starting to mess with Zoro; its odd, its uncomfortable in ways their rivalry hasn't touched before, its out of character. Two years must have really screwed Sanji up.

"You're fucking — you're _what_?" he demands, disbelief, "Leaving? Pussy."

Sanji's facial expression hardens, gritting his teeth in anger. He parts without another word, quick strides taking him far away, and fast. Zoro just stares after him with that same disbelief. He's soaked, he's irritable, he wants to get back to the Sunny to sleep. But he keeps moving.


	2. Don't Wanna Think About It

thank you all for reviews and follows and favorites!

* * *

They can't quite spare a moment to stop, but Luffy does so anyway. There's marines and Pacifistas after their heads; Zoro's already taken one of the latter down. They're all able to handle them more adeptly, now, but its still more trouble than they need or deserve.

Luffy raises his arms in something akin to triumph, acknowledgment at how far he's come and how far he has yet to go. Tears shine on Rayleigh's cheeks, but neither Zoro nor Luffy can detect them with the distance between them.

"Thank you so much, Rayleigh!" he calls, "For everything in these past two years! I'm gonna do it! I'm going to become the Pirate King!"

Zoro can't help but grin. He feels fondness and respect and like this is right where he belongs, as a first mate by his captain's side. All of the ugliness between him and Sanji lay forgotten.

"Go straight to the top, Luffy!"

They share a look, thanks and acknowledgment, before Luffy takes off running through the grove. Zoro follows, matching his pace. They don't look back, hearing the din of marines both ahead and behind them.

The pair stops in their tracks, with the marines spreading out to block the path. The captain wastes no time, winding back a punch with the intent to throw it, to sweep them all out. Before he gets the chance to, the shrill sound of Perona's hollows fills the air.

The marines all drop to their knees, stricken through with the hollows' horrors. She floats into their field of vision — followed _very_ closely by Sanji. He's looking very much smitten, walking after her like a puppy.

"I knew this was your doing! You couldn't have sailed off quietly, could you?" she fires at them, going so far as to poke hard at Zoro's chest with her sharp nails. Perona then turns and swats at Sanji, "And isn't this _your _dog?"

"He's mine, thanks!" Luffy chirps.

"Right, whatever. You guys _really_ should get going, anyway. The marines brought battleships."

"What?!"

"Just get running, okay? I'll hold them off for you — and there's no need to thank me, just get this freak _off my ass_."

"Thanks, pinky!"

Luffy begins bodily hauling Sanji away from the pink-haired girl, past the fallen marines. Zoro follows after nodding his thanks and good bye to her. He keeps a few steps behind Sanji and Luffy — the former of which having decided to run at a decent clip himself. He feels weird and angry about having zeroed in with Sanji, again, but moreso about their ugly parting.

Even if it _is_ Sanji, it didn't have to be that ugly and final. It occurs to Zoro that the other male might be able to feel what's he's feeling on that same basic level, when he turns to look back at him. Its an odd expression; anger and shock.

He taps into the Sanji-section of his head to see what the other is thinking.

Shame rings out, clear and turbulent, blanketing the horrible mixture of desperation, anger and … Self hate? He wants to shake Sanji, slap him, and ask if he's okay all at once. Zoro nearly trips over his own feet as he runs, its all too much.

There's just no break from it.

Chopper's voice cuts through the air, from above; little savior, "Everyone! There you are!"

Maybe he did become a little badass.

* * *

When they get on the Thousand Sunny, they can _breathe_ for just a minute. There's still the task of getting ready to sail, of course, but they're all here, all together, safe. It feels right and true, even if there's still something hanging over the space between Sanji and Zoro. That'll be addressed later, surely; now is a time for nakama.

Luffy bows deeply to his crew, a rare, sort of somber expression on his face. Righting himself, he addresses them.

"Guys … I want to thank you for going along with my selfish whim for two years." he says, nearly grave; resolve drips from every syllable, sinks into the wood of the Sunny, "And I have another request of you."

They listen, all eight of them, positioned around their captain. He crosses his arms over his scarred chest.

"I want to go after Blackbeard. After going to Fishman Island."

Zoro can see Usopp shift nervously next to him, but he says nothing where he would have before. Good, he thinks. He's not sure why Blackbeard, but if his captain says it with such finality, then there must be some good reason. Nami pipes up, anyway, from her perch at the edge of the ship, next to Robin.

"Blackbeard … ? Why him?"

The boat bobs and sways.

"He's the one who brought my brother Ace to the World Government."

The statement falls in front of everyone where they can see it, swallow it, digest it. Luffy still has that on his brain. A thick pause falls over the crew.

"Then yeah. Of course." Zoro says.

The silence holds them, pulling them all into their own thoughts for a few moments more. Luffy then breaks into a grin, a laugh. He reaches down to grab Chopper and put the small doctor up on his shoulders. A small 'oh!' escapes the reindeer, but he doesn't look particularly bothered.

A wave of relief and acceptance comes from Sanji. Zoro shifts where he stands.

"Thanks, everyone! Now let's set sail for Fishman Island!"

* * *

The events at Fishman Island can only be described as bloody and arduous, but the same can be said for many of their stops. Its like they attract trouble most days, and go seeking it out the rest of the time. As they sail on from the other side of the Red Line, the latter is true.

Not only are they looking for trouble, they're looking to take trouble's head.

Zoro finds, normally, that he likes the downtime as much as he likes the action, the adventure, the fights. He can train and relax and drink at his own leisure, spending his days under the sun doing whatever he likes.

But its different now, even a few hours into it. The New World has been fraught with strife and surprises already. They were welcomed to it by a _sea of fire_. The log poses act differently, here, and navigating is going to be even more difficult. He might have patted Nami on the back out of sympathy. Moving around the ship in a complicated sort of dance that he's long since perfected, Zoro does as Nami bids. They all do.

Its relatively smooth from then on. They have to escape a cyclone with a Coup de Burst and a whirlpool with some expert steering and navigation, but that's nothing particularly to the crew as a whole. Once the immediate danger is out of the way, Zoro takes to his training.

This is simple, this is true, this has an end. He likes simple, likes clear-cut goals. That's what makes serving under Luffy so great — his captain appreciates all that too. As he does his push ups, climbing into the hundreds, his repetitions slow.

More waves of emotion are coming from Sanji. Strong ones. Its bright-red desperation flashing in his mind, the edges of it dulled by dimly pulsing dark yellow confusion. The mix is ugly. He can't tell where the other man _is _just from these waves, of course, but he has an inkling.

There's been a small altar room specifically for the crew members dedicated to the Old Faith — which happen to be Brook and Sanji. They spend their time in there every day, deep in prayer as needed. Zoro doesn't understand the rite and ritual of the Old Faith — neither why nor how. He's never prayed to any God.

Sanji happens to be somewhat private about his convictions, whereas Brook can occasionally be found talking to Robin (who takes a purely academic interest in any religion) or Chopper (who's just curious) about the holidays and traditions. Luffy just plain doesn't get it, either, but he said, "If its important to Sanji and Brook, then its important to me!" and allowed them their time and space to worship.

Zoro rounds his push ups to a neat three hundred and gets to his feet. Leaning against the railing of the ship, he considers. He's not particularly interested in talking to Sanji, especially with the whole soul mate thing looming, ugly and bright, over their heads. But he does think that drawing boundaries — and getting that talk out of the way as quickly as possible — is important. Zoro's only boundary might very well be "stay out of my head and my way and I'll stay out of yours", but its a boundary that needs to be drawn nonetheless.

So he moves to the prayer room, walking past Usopp and Chopper trying to juggle Nami's oranges with Luffy as a cheering audience.

He pauses at the entrance to the small room, quickly waiting and listening against the wall by the door.

He's speaking in his North Blue dialect, that strange and lilting language. That very same desperation and confusion he felt before is touching the cook's voice, though Zoro can't tell exactly what's being said. He repeats a single word a few times, rolling quietly into more prayer.

It doesn't take much of a genius to figure out what he's praying about with such fervor. Irritation grows, swells, in his core and he can hear that give pause to Sanji's words. But only for a moment. He finishes his prayers and spends a few moments more in there, presumably to give reverence.

When he comes out, he's got a freshly-lit cigarette poking out of his mouth and a look of surprise on his face at the sight of Zoro. This quickly turns to irritation to match Zoro's own.

"Eavesdropping?" he asks, contempt plain to hear.

"I wanted to talk to you."

He drags off his cigarette and exhales before remarking, "There's a first."

Zoro scoffs, _tch_, "Trust me, its not like I _want _to do this."

"Spit it out then."

Sanji leans against the wall, arms crossed, eyes trained on Zoro's. Everything about his posture screams that he doesn't want to be having this conversation, but at least he's enough of a man to stick with it anyway. Maybe the appraisal gets broadcasted in the Zoro-section of Sanji's mind, because the blonde makes a bit of a face.

"Its completely obvious you hate me in a different way, now." he says, "So if I stay out of your way, then you stay out of mine."

More anger. It flares, blood-red flashing into white-hot. Its getting harder to block off.

"Gonna be kinda hard, huh, nakama mine? You're inescapable and I _hate it._" he practically spits the last part and Zoro nearly flinches at the venom in his voice; he taps his temple with a free hand, "You're up here, too."

He wants to ask what he even did to make Sanji hate him so; it feels out of the blue entirely. Its definitely something past their old rivalry now, something ugly and sinister. Guilt shines amidst the rage.

Zoro wishes it hadn't happened at all. That must be why Sanji loathes him; its the only thing he can think of. Yeah, he's probably just pissed because he royally fucked up his chance to get zeroed in with some pretty young thing. It makes sense …

"Yeah, I'm aware." he says evenly, "That doesn't mean we can't ignore it. I'm fine with that."

"Oh, bullshit. I don't wanna have to spend the rest of my _life _trying to—"

Luffy's voice calls out, cuts their heated conversation neatly in half.

"LAND HO!"

Zoro moves to the main deck without another word to Sanji, where most of them have gathered already. Sanji follows suit, smoke trailing as he walks. Calm, he feels calmer in Zoro's head; still irritated and guilty, though. Doesn't matter.

Luffy is standing on the lion at the front of the Sunny, holding onto his hat and pointing. There's land indeed, and they're drawing closer to it every minute. Chopper shuffles up to join Luffy on the figurehead.

The glint and gleam of the island is easy to make out, even from a distance. Nami steps up to the front as well, peering out of an eyeglass. She seems to hesitate, to doubletake, adjusting it so as to see better. Once she confirms, she turns back to face the rest of the crew.

"It … It looks like the foliage is made of … crystal?"

"Huuuh?"

"Is it pretty?" Chopper pipes.

"Uh, very! But it looks … sharp." she puts the eyeglass at her belt, once again compact, "We'll figure out who's going with who when we get there, but two groups should be fine."

"Hey, who died and made you captain?" Luffy grins, hops down from the lion with Chopper, earning a snort of laughter out of Zoro. Nami fumes.

"Do you mean who _chased me down_ and made me _navigator_?" she snaps.

Luffy's smile spreads bigger as he attaches himself to her, tight, "And I'd do it again, too! You don't see anything like a village or city … ?"

Spat forgotten, the navigator shakes her head, "It might serve to take a sail around the island, but I did see docks. Must be through the weird crystal forest."

"We'll drop anchor and see what its all about, then!"


	3. Ain't No Magic In The Breakdown

sorry for the wait! i appreciate the reviews, follows, and favorites, so thank you. here's a longish chapter; i hope you enjoy. warning for gun violence, though! please take care.

* * *

Even the sands of the beach are iridescent, glinting sunlight into the eyes of the Straw Hat pirates. The dock is wood, and the trees a few dozen yards off are just how Nami said they are — made of crystal. Sanji bends to grab a handful of the sand, finding it warm and fine in his palm. It scatters and falls in the wind.

He doesn't mean to, of course, but his consciousness brushes up against Zoro's spot in his mind; he feels like a gently churning sea, there. Calm and quiet, but not quite still. Thinking. Waiting. He catches Zoro's eye, for just long enough for that sea to turn a little harder in annoyance. Sanji looks away first, dragging deeply off of his cigarette.

Luffy and Nami break their two-person huddle, the former of the two stepping up onto the dock to address his crew.

"We're going to split into two groups for this! Nami, Zoro, Chopper, Robin, and Brook are going to explore the forest path. Me, Sanji, Franky, and Usopp are gonna check out the beach that way."

Luffy then hops down, unceremoniously, just to link his arm through Sanji's and lead the cook away.

"We'll meet back here in a few hours!" Nami calls after the departing beach crew. Luffy makes a loud 'yeah!' of assent. With the other three, Sanji isn't terribly worried about any trouble they might run into; nor is he worried about the other camp. They're pretty well-balanced.

"So, Sanji! We should have a cook out later on the beach, yeah?" Usopp pipes up.

"Somehow I knew that was going to be suggested to me," Sanji admits, smirking, "If everything is cool with everyone, sure. I wouldn't mind."

They trek down the beach, keeping away from the lapping waves, discussing just, exactly, what they'd like for dinner. Sanji has to appreciate the moments like this, moments where they're not scrambling for their lives or glory. Though he's very much a fighter, he also has to acknowledge the downtime, where he thrives. Where he can cook and dote on his crew members, where he can just relax.

Its nice.

There still are those moments when he craves going into battle, to throw kicks and spins and to feel that he's made himself and his crew just a little bit safer in the world. He's not exactly bloodthirsty, not like Zoro is

And his mind wanders yet again to the swordsman, making him huff angrily as he walks with Luffy. He wishes he could get the damn marimo out of his head. Its incredibly unfair, its awful, its

Luffy stops dead in his tracks to lean up and look at Sanji, their arms still linked. His eyebrows are furrowed, mouth set in a hard line — its the "captain face". It, oddly, doesn't look very strange on his boyish features; Sanji, and the rest of the crew, have learned to shut up and listen when he pulls this expression.

But the words that he speaks make Sanji's stomach drop.

"It's gonna be okay."

Where Sanji and Zoro's zero has manifested in being able to read one another's emotions to some extent, Luffy's relationship with his soul mates is different. They just know things about one another. Sure as sunshine, they'll get little bits of information about their captain or vice versa when its important, and sometimes even when its not.

Luffy didn't need to be told that Zoro's eye had been taken from him, and nor did any of them need to be informed that the Captain's brother had been killed at Marineford. They heard his screams of mourning, scattered throughout the world. Luffy knew exactly how Robin took her tea, knew that Usopp finds it hard to sleep in silence.

Its been like that ever since they all got zeroed in; they just know. And as Luffy says "its gonna be okay", Sanji knows exactly what he's talking about. What else has been eating him up so ?

The captain leans up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to Sanji's lips, chaste and sure. That's not terribly unusual, but it catches the cook off guard. Been a while since they last shared a kiss, although he can be seen giving them out like candy, usually.

He freezes with the other's lips on his for just a second. The surprise melts away and relief takes its place. If Luffy says its going to be okay, then it will be Is what he tells himself. He doesn't let the doubt take hold, pecking Luffy back quickly.

Usopp and Franky pretend not to notice, but Sanji can see the slight smiles on their faces. No matter; they're probably just chalking it up to the soul mate link, anyway.

Sanji clears some hair out of Luffy's face, affectionate, smiling in the same way.

"Thanks, Luffy." he says gently, before the captain snickers, satisfied, to lead them away after Franky and Usopp. They walk in silence along the beaches for a hundred yards or so, feet sinking into the crystal sand as they trek. The water laps at the beach, gentle, almost at their ankles.

Luffy leads them in song, a loud and spirited shanty to keep them in step. His voice carries high above the rest of them, which Usopp just sees as a point to compete. The four of them end up doubled over laughing over the captain and sniper shouting the shanty at the tops of their lungs.

The scenery doesn't change very much through the walk; they manage to check out some of the scuttling hermit crabs, which look normal enough, along with a few starfish stuck to a rock near the shore. Save for the crystal foliage and sands, it appears to be quite tame.

It takes about forty minutes of walking before they notice the Marines, having turned around a sharp bend in the bay. Their boat is docked, but there's no one milling about. It looks empty. Sanji pulls Luffy back, behind an odd crystal tree. Franky and Usopp follow suit, their gazes both hardening into their fight or flight mode.

"Do we get back to the Sunny?" Usopp asks, hefting his slingshot off his back. He really has become a lot braver, keeping the shaking out of his legs. Franky looks between the Marine ship and Luffy, considering.

"What about the others ? They might still be exploring."

"Or even already in battle." Sanji murmurs. He touches on Zoro's emotions in his mind. If those scary facial expressions that Zoro pulls could be condensed into a feeling, then this would be it. Its thick and dripping and it feels like strife; there's absolutely no mistaking it.

This gives him a start, and he opens his mouth to say something — but realizes he can't. The others can't know about his link with Zoro. Not yet. 'Yet' seems like a far off nightmare, still. It makes his stomach sour, that he can't tell them that their friends are in danger.

But then again, its not like Zoro and the others can't handle themselves.

"Sanji?" Franky's voice comes, snapping him effectively from his reverie.

"Ah, I I'm worried about Nami and Robin," he blurts, shifting his gaze to the rest of the forest, "Surely it wouldn't be difficult to find them?"

"The island seems pretty small, but—"

"We go!" Luffy yells, pointing to where Sanji's gaze lies. That's that, he supposes. The captain takes off at a sprint, jumping up and through the trees like his surname would imply.

The other three can only run after him, but its difficult to do with the sharp, hard foliage. It tears Usopp's overalls and stabs at Franky's legs much to their pain and dismay, but Sanji's quick, deft footwork saves him from much of the slicing.

Luffy stops and waits, grip strong around the top of the tree, having reached a wide, well-traveled dirt path winding through the forest.

"But are they this way or that way?!" he cries back at his nakama, pointing either way on the path.

"Knowing them, they're probably further into the forest than we are," Sanji offers, also gesturing. He's thinking of the strife he felt in Zoro's mind, figuring the others are already clashing with Marines at the heart of the island. Luffy nods and takes off again through the trees, with the others running after him.

They run down the dirt path, deeper and deeper, and then it starts at a fork in the road.

Its a sucker punch, of course, some Marine getting cocky out of nowhere with a hard fist to Sanji's temple. It throbs even though he moves with the punch on instinct. Luffy's shout breaks through the air as he drops, delivering a kick in kind to the marine. But Sanji's already moving, ducking, getting his footing back.

He's already whirling, kick strong as ever, instant blood. There's an explosion from one of Usopp's gunpowder stars and the sharp feeling of being battle-ready fills him. It feels like needles, feels like fire, keeps him awake and alert and quick.

It feels messy and disorganized for a minute as they go; then again, most battles do. The marines are tenacious and sure of themselves, where in the former half of the Grand Line — and certainly in East Blue — they might have shook and halted at the prospect of fighting the Straw Hats as their notoriety grew.

Sanji will kick through their skulls all the same.

Their teeth click together with kicks to jaws because no one is fucking around, here, and Sanji hardly thinks. Its something like autopilot, pure instinct, boiled away to his baser self. He's all kinetic, and he drops marine after marine. Even though these ones don't get pause from the Straw Hats, they're still nothing.

He pivots and he's so on fire, it sends a marine flying.

Usopp does his thing from far away, picking off their opponents one by one. Franky fights in kind, but Luffy and Sanji are really in the thick of it. He takes out three of them with a sweep and he spits and grins.

Skilled as he is, he's not all powerful. The bastard in front of him gets cocky, gets Sanji's back slammed against one of the trees, hard. He's quick to retaliate, delivering a strong stomp out to the man's sternum. The now-crumpled heap in front of him wheezes out a curse.

He manages to right himself enough to get back into stance, but he's blown back again shortly thereafter. They really are tenacious.

Sharp pain pierces his left thigh, a bullet, right in the middle. A short scream is enough to alert Luffy to the injury, making the captain shout in anger and send his arm flying to grab the offender. Sanji doesn't register their struggle, he only feels pain and adrenaline, only feels sharper than he did before.

It hurts, but he's had worse. He can keep going, he has to.

Its the cry of, "Black Leg is injured, get him!" that makes him think, aw, shit. They descend, a white swarm, and they're so fast that Sanji can't even see his nakama. There's hands at his throat and more punches and kicks than he can even count.

"Take him back dead!"

They really mean business.

He hears the click of the gun and he thrashes harder in the angry white cloud — if only they'd give him enough room to kick —

"Luffy! Sanji needs help!"

Dread fills Sanji and he just waits for the boom.

* * *

Sanji can't believe this.

He's been on Sabaody for two hours and Zoro has already fucked up.

If the coated ship that Zoro got on was, indeed, heading to Fishman Island like the fisherman said, then they'll at least know where to find the moss-head.

But its still so stupid. He can't push the thought from his head while he asks the man about his catches, but he's interrupted. Of course.

The sea makes waves, makes trouble, and Sanji doesn't piece together what's happening until the ship actually surfaces. His jaw goes a little slack in shock — what strength, to be able to slice a ship in two — but he regains composure enough to shout at Zoro when he comes from the split ship. Sanji trudges towards the other.

"There you are, you fucking idiot!"

Zoro looks well, if very wet. He's bigger now, gotten some warmer looking robes, brushed his hair back, and Ah, there's one eye missing, just how the fisherman said when describing the other. But overwhelming relief for the other's safety floods him just as the tingle at his wrist makes itself known.

"Don't bark at me, it could have happened to anyone "

The relief blooms like a flower, its petals all crescendo-sharp emotions that blur and collide, messy. He's happy — he's overjoyed, in fact. His soul mate is alive and safe! Soul mate rings clear. Soul mate rings true.

These feelings burn and carve pathways through his mind and let access to some unknown part of him.

And then they fade, and Sanji's left with a wrist freshly-bereft of a clock.

And he's going to be sick.

This is exactly the kind of shit he didn't want to be faced with until he was settled back with his nakama.

He remembers his most prominent talk with Ivankov, making cold horror freeze his blood.

_"Would it ruin your life if you actually were attracted to men as well?"_

_"Well, no."_

_Sanji feels stupid, knees drawn to his chest, picking at the hem of his pants in a nervous gesture. He can see that it wouldn't ruin his life — he's got bigger fish to fry than that, both literally and metaphorically._

_"So what's the problem?"_

_Sanji can't tell if he likes Iva or not, a wry grin spreading across his features._

_"That's not the only part of it."_

_That age old hatred comes back to rear its ugly head when Iva quirks an eyebrow to press him. This is stupid, this is so stupid_

_"I used to want to be a girl, sometimes, and that makes me a fucking freak."_

_He feels childish, actually breaking down to talk to Ivankov like this. He was supposed to be running away from these freaks, dammit. All of this really feels like a girl talk. Hatred makes him twist his fingers into the fabric._

_He's not strong._

_Maybe he should just give it up and live on this island of misfit toys forever, because Luffy sure as fuck doesn't deal with weaklings who can't stick to their guns like him. Ivankov pats at Sanji's shoulder in something like affection._

_"If you say that one more time, I'll send you to the bottom of the sea." they say, and they sigh, "Darling, do you feel this way anymore?"_

_Yes, his mind tells him._

_He's been fighting off shit like this since he was, what, ten? Every time he had a crush on a pretty girl, it was always a question of — fuck, do I want to romance her or be her? The lines crossed and blurred and they were hard to tell apart, so Sanji only did the romance-girls part. It made sense, it was normal._

_Sanji doesn't answer, so Iva presses gently, "Would it help if I referred to you in the feminine? Helped you try it on?"_

_The thought of being called that way gives him pause before he can say no thank you._

_Girl, woman, she, her, hers, herself._

_Sanji, you're a girl sometimes. Sanji, that's okay. Sanji, they can help you._

_An iron band wraps itself around her throat and she looks towards Iva._

_"Yes," she says breathlessly._

* * *

Off of the safety of Iva's island, this is real and maybe he doesn't feel so brave anymore. Maybe he feels some of that old self loathing that is familiar and always seems to come with gender and sexuality shit. The shock of confirmation — of sexuality especially — in tandem with being zeroed in with him is enough to make him want to return to Iva's safety.

"You You too?" he asks Zoro quietly. He tries desperately to keep the trembling out of his legs, but it doesn't work. He's going to throw up. He's not ready for this.

"Yeah, me fuckin' too!"

Zoro's anger is like a slap to the face, as much as its expected. That's what it feels like in his brain, too, a sharp mental blow.

So he responds in a way that is familiar because familiar is good.

"Where the hell do you get off yelling at me like this is my fault? You moron!" he yells, pausing to call him a dumbshit moss-head in North Blue, before growling, "Like I can do something about this? 'Cause, trust me, I would!"

"All right, I hear you, shut the fuck up." Zoro sighs; he feels just slightly calmer in Sanji's brain, but Sanji's still on fire, still barbed, "Would you calm down?"

"No, I can't." his voice trembles and he hates it, he has to go, he has to pray, he just has to leave, "I'm leaving. I don't care if you get lost again. I don't care if you get on the Sunny again."

Now its Zoro's turn to look like he's been slapped. Sure as shit, Sanji feels bad for it, and, Gods, he didn't think he could hate himself any more.

"You're fucking — you're what?" he's all shock, "Leaving? Pussy."

There's the twist of the knife. Pussy. Girl. Weak.

So leave he does, anger burning in his heart.

* * *

"—Balloon!"

He hears the swell of Luffy's skin before he sees it, eyes screwed shut. This used to gross him out, honestly, but his life has been saved more times by that attack alone, so he has to appreciate it. His eyes open again and the marines have fallen over and back from the attack. He doesn't get very long to admire the sight, though, because Luffy is hefting Sanji up over his shoulders. It makes him feel like a fucking child—

"Hey! Put me down!"

"Nuh uh, we're outta here and you're injured!"

Sanji doesn't even try to fight it; such is his captain's bullheadedness and his own feeling of being off. Usopp and Franky are running through the path up ahead, but Luffy urges Sanji to hang on and he knows they'll pass them soon.

He takes off through the air with a Rocket; Sanji will never get used to that. It lands them on the crystal beach, rather close to the Sunny. Luffy is running and stretching and climbing and its, honestly, making the cook feel very sick.

"Sorry, Sanji!"

The rest of the crew is on the deck, thank Gods. Luffy carries him to the infirmary before anyone else can say another word; Sanji can see Chopper jump up to follow them. His head is swimming, thigh aching sharply. He didn't even get a chance to look at Zoro, and he shouldn't even care about the moss-head.

He's sat down on a cot in the infirmary, blood soaking the canvas. Chopper enters the room shortly thereafter, scurrying closer to get a better look at Sanji.

"Bullet wound?" he asks, voice pitching up high, "Is that it?"

It strikes Sanji as funny that he has to even ask, "is that it". He nods, pulling a cigarette out of his case. Luffy plops down on the floor and crosses his arms, setting the captain face on his features.

In North Blue, he intones, bowing his head, "Ah, King of Convergence, be with me."

The rest of their nakama are milling about the door, save for Zoro, radiating curiosity and concern. Usopp is already in, though he keeps a respectable distance so as to not crowd him. There's blood leaking from his temple, but he doesn't seem too concerned with it.

"Sanjiiii, I'm sorry I couldn't pick them off before they got to you!" he howls, looking like he'd like to hug the cook.

"Its fine," he says tightly, "Its just a bullet wound."

Chopper is getting his supplies ready, starting with cutting away (Sanji sighs at the loss) at his pants leg. Usopp falls silent and sits down next to Luffy, mimicking his posture. Robin and Nami and Brook all file in a little more. Franky is, presumably, at the wheel of the ship.

Zoro? Well, who cares about Zoro. Sanji inhales deeply off his cigarette and pointedly refuses to check up on his emotions.

"What happened with you guys?" Luffy speaks up from the floor, looking at Nami. His voice is quiet, and that worries Sanji.

"Well, we managed to get to a village," she admits, "and we didn't have as much trouble as you guys seemed to."

"I'm glad about that at least, my flower." Sanji says happily, earning a smirk from the navigator, "Was the village accommodating?"

"Not really. Zoro, uh Got into a bar fight." Nami shakes her head. That must explain the malice Sanji felt off of him, dripping like ichor. He feels incredibly stupid, lowering his head while Chopper makes silent, quick work of the wound.

"Really gave the guy the what-for! You should have seen it." Brook laughs, "I'm glad you're all alive, though."

"I can't leave you guys alone for a second!" Usopp sighs dramatically. Brook laughs, high and loud.

Chopper squeaks, taping over the now-bulletless wound, "But you're the ones who got into a fight!"

Usopp and Chopper begin to bicker, with the tiny doctor pausing to give Sanji instructions. He's supposed to take it easy and come to him to get his bandages changed often. Their argument carries them and the others out of the infirmary, leaving Sanji and Luffy in a sense of quiet.

Luffy doesn't talk or get up for a while. Sanji burns through three cigarettes, willing himself not to think much of anything. He focuses on the steady throb of his leg in an effort to get quiet, to get peace.

The captain raises himself onto his knees, shuffling over on them in front of Sanji. He very gently and deliberately takes the cook's cigarette-free hand and kisses his palm.

"Are you okay?"

Sanji knows he's not asking about his wound.

He sucks in a deep breath, unable to meet the other's eyes for a few moments.

"I will be." he answers, smiling, trying to reassure the other. Luffy nods and lowers Sanji's hand. He then puts his hat on Sanji, getting up to walk out of the room quietly.

He sits there, still, eyes closed and mouth moving in prayer.

"She Who Knows, keep me shrouded for just a while longer." he whispers, "Until I'm ready."

* * *

Days burn away. Sanji's leg has gotten much better, though it still hurts to walk on, and he forces himself to not walk with a limp. He throws himself into his cooking and his chores, even going to far as to help the others when he doesn't have work to do. He wants to keep moving, doesn't want to think at all.

Specifically, he wants to avoid Zoro, both mentally and physically. The other seems to want the same thing, thankfully, and even when they do pass one another, their eyes don't meet.

Sanji finds Zoro in the little prayer room, after a while, which comes to him as a shock. His defenses come up immediately. The other doesn't turn as he enters, though Sanji knows he's been heard. He needs to pray himself, so he sticks around to wait.

"You have an awakening, or something?" he asks, once he's sure the other isn't praying, but thinking. The brush against the other in his mind tells him as much. His thoughts come like a campfire, slowly burning out but still hot and cracking.

"No." he doesn't turn around.

"Then why are you in our prayer room?"

"Last I checked, I'm first mate on this ship. Its not just yours." Zoro says quietly, sounding almost bored. At least belligerence doesn't touch his tone. Sanji still wants him to leave.

He's right, though, even if Sanji wants to go off that he's never stepped foot in it before. He sighs and leans against the doorframe, keeping his distance.

"I guess I'll just wait 'til you're done Doing whatever the fuck it is you're doing."

Its then that Zoro stands, turning to face Sanji in the dim light of the prayer room, "I just needed a place to think."

He opens his mouth to say something further, but shuts it and shakes his head before leaving again.

What the fuck was that, Sanji thinks. He wants to know what Zoro was about to say, despite himself. He wants to know why he was in the prayer room in the first place. But most of all, he wants to not care about any of that. This just feels like another problem they're going to have to deal with eventually, and Sanji doesn't want or need that.

He feels as if he's not been himself since the crew reunited, and its scary. Its exhausting. It has to be rectified, but Sanji isn't sure how to fix it. He's changed — they all have — over the course of two years. How could he expect things to be the same ? How could he expect anything but this hardship that stitches him and Zoro together?

Maybe he was just hopeful.

Sanji drops to his knees in front of the small shrine, filled with candles and icons and incense. He lights the candles, a cone of Myrrh, bows his head. North Blue has always been his default language in which to pray, so he switches to that, and they just pour out of him.

"Guide me, my king," he begins, "to your kingdom and to peace."

The prayers roll off his tongue with ease, and he talks through them until he has nothing left to worship and to ask for. He stays in silence in the room for a few minutes afterwards, rising only when he hears Brook enter. The clatter of his shoes on the wood of the Sunny is distinct, and Sanji has since learned that the musician is (usually) the only other one to come in.

"Hello, Sanji." greets Brook, raising a bony hand as well. He rises to his feet and nods in kind, pulling out his cigarette case to light one.

"Oh, you're finished? I was hoping for some company "

"I can provide company." Sanji says, "But for a little while. Lunch is soon."

Brook just sits in front of the shrine, and Sanji joins him again. They've somewhat bonded over their shared faith over the little while they'd known one another, prior to the separation. There's a kinship there that isn't just a shared crew, and Sanji rather likes it.

Where Sanji is a child of the King of Convergence, Brook is devoted to the God of the Grand Line. He prays out loud, then, hands raised in reverence. He prays for safety in the New World, for Laboon, and for his nakama.

Sanji just keeps his head bowed, eyes closed while the skeleton makes his words heard. They sit in silence for a few moments afterwards, smoke drifting about them.

"Is something on your mind, dear Sanji?" he asks.

Sanji must really wear his heart on his sleeve, or something. He sighs out smoke, wondering just exactly how Brook figured out that something was bothering him. Its a whole mess of things, of course, and he wouldn't know where to begin

He feels, very much, like he's aching for some connection with his nakama. A talk. A prayer. A story about their youth. Shared silence. It would bring some sense of normalcy, some memory of life before their separation, when everything was somehow simpler.

He's silent for long enough that Brook nods, taking the reticence as confirmation.

"I trust you've been praying about it, but would you like to talk about it with an old man like me?"

Where to begin, where to begin He wants to be cagey about it, not tell Brook in so many words, but At the same time, he wants so desperately to spill it to someone. No one else seems like much of a better option.

"As long as you're quiet about it to everyone else." he finds himself saying. And he shakes his head, "I can't believe I'm actually going to talk about this "

"You don't have to. I just thought I'd offer." Brook says, voice calm and gentle.

Well. He came this far.

He opens his mouth and closes it, considering just where to start exactly. He finds his words, and once he starts speaking them, its like he can't stop.

"Its All right, I came to terms with some stuff when we were separated. In Ivankov's kingdom." he begins, "The revolutionary, queer queen, if you don't know them."

Brook nods, "I'm familiar. Go on."

"The matter of, uh. Shit." he wants to say, this is hard, but he doesn't; his words and his posture and expression all say that for him. He's silent for a while more, heart hammering in his chest — is he really about to ... ?

"Gender. Sexuality."

Brook takes a moment to let that sink in, and he changes his position to sit more comfortably, cross legged in front of Sanji. Sanji adopts the same, resting his forehead on the heel of his free hand.

"Relax, Sanji. I'm not going to vilify you for what you're about to say."

He seems to smile, somehow, head tilted towards the much smaller man. Sanji feels a little bit of the pressure relieved; he can be very reassuring when he wants to be. And terribly infuriating other times, when he's howling and laughing. Sanji thanks his Gods that now isn't one of those maddening times.

"I'm I'm a woman sometimes, and I'm attracted to men. And I was pushing the macho thing so hard before that I'm Scared. Just terrified that I won't be taken seriously, or that I'll be rejected."

"Well I wouldn't want to tell you that your feelings aren't valid! They certainly are." Brook says delicately, "I understand the fear. But you wouldn't be the first person who's queering the lines of gender and sexuality here on the Thousand Sunny."

He punctuates the sentence with a little laugh, yohoho, "Myself included. What use would a dead person have for gender?"

And he's right. Sanji exhales out more tension. Luffy and Robin and Zoro are all trans, and he's pretty sure there's not a single straight person on the ship. He's right. He's right, Sanji tells himself.

"I'm delighted you've come to terms with this, though. Even if You still have some hang ups."

Sanji just nods. Hang ups indeed.

"Thank you, Brook." he lets the sentence hang in the air, meeting his eyes — or the holes where his eyes would be. "For talking with me."

"I'm sure you could be things a lot worse than queer — we'd still love and accept you."

Sanji feels a band close around his throat, the preamble to tears. He wills them away, swallowing thickly. He lets the feelings of acceptance, of love, wash over him and he breathes. He breathes in their shared silence, nodding after a few moments more.

"You tell them when you're ready." Brook says, decisively. Sanji smiles, small and contemplative. He can wait to tell Brook about the zeroing in with Zoro some other time. This was heavy enough for the both of them, though Sanji feels much better after the discussion.

He thanks Brook again, and leaves the musician to his continued prayers. Continuing out to the kitchen, walking slowly, he passes Robin and Nami sitting together at their small table. Robin holds a book in her hands, but the two of them sit with their foreheads nearly touching. There's smiles on their lips, and Sanji can hear laughter.

It makes his heart skip a beat. They really are stunning

"Oh! Hello, Sanji." Robin greets, sitting back a little. She sets the book on the table and offers him a warm smile.

"Hello, my dears. I was just on my way to the kitchen to prepare lunch for you."

"Thank you, Sanji!" Nami chirps, songbird, "Don't let Zoro distract you or anything on the way. He's acting stranger than usual."

She winks at Sanji, and it makes his heart drop. Its like she's hiding something, making fun of him — fuck, does she know — does Robin know — how

"Ah Of course! Nothing could keep me from it. If you'll excuse me "

As he walks, much quicker than before, he bows his head and feels heat rise to his face. He finds himself in his beloved kitchen all alone, his element, his sacred space. Even though this is where he finds his peace, going through the motions of cooking for his nakama, he can't get Nami's wink off his mind.

What does she know, and how did she find out?

He recalls Zoro's odd behavior earlier, and he wonders What if Zoro told everyone? It strikes him as a viable option now, though it hadn't seemed possible before. Sanji sort of quietly assumed — hoped — that they'd both shut up about it and ignore it.

His hands move deftly, cutting bread for sandwiches. Sanji feels distracted, off, as he goes. Like he's on autopilot while his mind races elsewhere. The subject of the zeroing in will have to come up again soon. With Zoro first. Sanji screws his eyes shut and leans over the counter — this shouldn't be happening.

As much anxiety and trepidation as he has over it, he can't stop. Can't shut down. Its not easy to shake off, however, while he goes about making lunch for everybody. Its stuck to the inside of him like dirty tar.

Of course, Luffy files in with Usopp and Chopper a little earlier than he should. He's all grins, sitting down in his usual chair.

"Is it done yet?" he calls, much too loud for the room. This seems to bring Sanji back, at least a little.

"If its not in front of you, then its not done. Be patient."

He knows its futile to tell the captain that, but he might as well try. As he continues, the rest of the crew find their way into the kitchen. He sets plates and glasses down as Usopp begins regaling the group with a long joke.

Sanji tuned out of the joke but sits down just in time for the punch line and raucous laughter from everyone, Zoro included. Their eyes meet for just a moment, grin dropping from Zoro's lips, and Sanji stares longer than he should; searching, but he doesn't touch the swordsman's part in his brain.

He comes to a conclusion, picking through his sandwich; he's going to have to talk to Zoro about this today.

Dread sits in his stomach like an anchor, but he's resolved on it.


End file.
